In a moment, everything changes.

I’ve got probably 6 blog drafts hanging out on the computer. It’s been a bit since I posted, mostly because I’ve had so many emotional days in the last week. The first anniversary of my grandpa’s death hit me hard…. like, sit me down on the couch, pretend the world doesn’t exist, and be an emotional wreck all day hard. I couldn’t even tell hubs what was wrong. I don’t know why…. I just couldn’t. I guess because maybe I didn’t know what I needed from him, so I didn’t see the point in making him feel like he couldn’t do anything for me. He truly couldn’t, likely no one could, so why make things worse? No, instead, I let him ask me all day long what the heck was wrong…. why was I so off? I blamed it on a hangover at first. It was possible, considering we were at a fantastic birthday party for one of my very best friends the night before, with some of my favorite people on earth. It truly was the most fun we had in a long time. I got to dress up, and that ridiculously handsome husband of mine wore a suit. I’m not gonna lie, I miss me some dress blues, but a suit will do ūüėČ Finally, I went to bed, and a new day arrived. Unfortunately, Monday wasn’t any better. The only cat I’ve ever liked got into a scuffle with one of the dogs, and needed extensive medical care for 3 days. Finally we had results in the litter box today, and Sir Penguin is on the mend. I’m thankful, because I truly love that damn cat. I have actually missed him waking me up at 2am because he wants out of our bedroom, only to return after a potty break 20 minutes later, scratching at the door. You know…. just as I finally fell back asleep.

Anyway, back to Grandpa Al. I’ve been so lucky in my life, to have grandparents that all meant the world to me in their own way. From him came my inherent desire to own land, a farm. He would have friggin loved hanging out here with me & Chuck. He grew up in North Dakota on his own family farm, joined the Air Force, and the rest was history. I spent time every summer at his house, and he always had¬†the most beautiful landscaping. The orange tree in the backyard¬†had enough fruit on it for 10 families, every single year.¬†Every year, he would show me what he was doing and why, and silly me¬†only paid half attention. I think my breakdown Sunday came from knowing I would give anything to have him here, showing me what to do, spending time with him in the yard.¬†¬†My favorite thing in his yard was the morning glories. It was just so beautiful, to watch them open up as he made breakfast. We had/have ivy growing over the porch off our bedroom, and once it’s all officially ripped out and not coming back (getting there!), I’d like to plant some morning glories, and just attempt to keep them under control. I don’t know how he managed to keep them in a 4ft section, but if he could do it, I can too. I also discovered the framed picture I had of his boat, Captain Sunshine, was broken on Sunday. Cherry on the chocolate cake, friends. How I didn’t end up checked into a mental institution… it’s beyond me. I had been painting the walls, so all the frames were stacked together. Of COURSE that was the one to break. Story of my life. I traveled to Prescott last year when he really got sick and it looked like the end was near. My life stopped when I left Arizona, left him behind. Just for a moment, but it did. Everything froze, and I remembered every beach trip, every orange picked, every night spent on the lake… the time I stepped on an ember from the campfire, and he made sure I was ok.¬†¬†I¬†honestly don’t know how I even got on a plane for home. I was on autopilot, that day¬†and for a week after, easy. ¬†When I got the call that he had passed, I was with a friend, and I couldn’t even speak for a moment after I hung up. Everything changed. I couldn’t even function, not really sure how I left her house and drove home. We were so lucky that all¬†3 of our kids got to¬†know him.¬†Sean will have the hardest time remembering,¬†so we talk about him all the time.¬†This is what we do though, right? We all have people in our lives that we take for granted until it’s too late, and then wish for even just 1 day with them again. If you have someone in your life like this, do me a favor…. go to them. Now, today, something, and spend every spare second you can with them. You’ll never regret it.

So, this year, I have a whole greenhouse to work with. I need to find some shelves, but I have the opportunity to really get things growing and have a successful garden this year. Is there 5,000 other projects that could use my attention? Duh. Will they happen? Probably. But this garden… my first farm garden…. it will be something to build on. I’m going to pull every tip¬†I can from the far regions in my brain, and make¬†it work.¬†A stepping stone, a foundation, if you will. And then, we preserve. I’m going to need a pressure canner. Just call me Laura….

grandpa

2 thoughts on “In a moment, everything changes.

  1. He was such a sweet man, I remember him telling me breakfadt was not an option I will sit and eat, nervous.. but I did it and we had a great conversation. I am so sorry for your loss. Love ya Laura lol

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  2. What a terrific story, grandpa had such a green thumb. Everything he planted flourished, me…not so much. I know deep down he would have loved to be back on a farm with a horse ( not that he would ride), a few animals and a huge garden. I know you have inherited some of his traits for growing a garden, looking forward to eating some of those vegetables this summer…..or next!
    His kind heart, love and chats are missed tremendously. Remember, you’ll never know how much our parents mean until their gone.
    Keep up with your blog, I enjoy your stories.

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